A Healing Journey
I recently took a break from routine and drove over to the coast for a few days. It was an important time....the first trip I had taken on my own in several years; and more importantly, the first road journey since my wife passed away in the Fall.
I had spent the last few weeks finishing work on the van and I was looking forward to getting out on the road to give the van a test run. But more than anything, I just needed to get away and find a quiet place to reflect.
The first day was an emotional passage through familiar places as I stopped by the beach at Pt. Reyes Seashore. Joanne and I had been there many times and the place was resonant with memory - powerful, comforting, but also sad. I then moved on to other places along the coast we had never been to; new places with new memories.
A steady rain fell throughout Christmas Day. Since photography was not possible, I spent most of the day snuggled in the warm van reading. I find solace in books; delving into other worlds, tracing the trajectories of lives strongly lived.
Sunday dawned clear and sunny and I resolved to do some work with the big 7x17-inch camera. I had acquired this camera a couple of years ago but had never made an exposure with it. Joanne's illness grew more acute during these years and wandering around solo with my camera wasn't an option. Now I was untethered from cares and commitments and the winding trail beckoned. Just as I find solace in reading, my photography is also a form of calmness and healing. Creating something, even a few tentative test shots with an unfamiliar camera, is quieting to me; it gives me a clarity of mind to start again. I made several negatives; not masterpieces by any means, but it felt great to be working in the field with a camera again.
I embarked on this trip as an escape; running away from the emotional associations of the holiday season and an enveloping sense of loss. Along the way I stopped trying to escape from the past and began to welcome the possibilities of the future. I found a sense of peace, calmness and the healing salve of creativity.
